Quiet time

Quiet Time

I fled from the house, angry with my wife and went to the local bar. You looked at me with those smoldering eyes and bought me a drink. We talked late into the night. You took me home. I never meant to cheat on her but I needed what you offered me. Warmth and understanding. It was a one night stand but will haunt me for as long as I live. As I sit here contemplating this letter, I realize you were a mistake. I should have gone home.

How do I tell my wife that I am HIV positive?

This drabble (story told in exactly 100 words) was inspired by brother who lost the battle to AIDS on February 2, 2007.

Arwork provided by Washington Green Galleries. Artist is Hamish Blakely.

Many more drabbles can be found at www.the-burrow.org.

New Beginnings

Well, summer has come to a close. Tomorrow, I begin the new school year. I am anxious to start anew but also apprehensive since I do not know what is in store for me this school year. I plan to teach Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, Orwell's Animal Farm, Weisel's Night, Remarque's All Quiet on the Western Front, and if time permits Achebe's Things Fall Apart. I know. This is quite an ambitious undertaking for 10th Grade English but I have faith that my students will step up to the plate.



I am hoping that by revisiting the classics, my writing will have more imagery, conflict, contextual relevance and great character development. Perhaps, situations experienced during the school year itself will provide the "meaty" material needed to kick start the creative juices when I get stumped.



On a side note, I am planning to go back to school for the 2010 spring semester. I have a master's in Education but am looking to study something different. I am interested in development disabilities and would like to study the neuroscience behind it. Another ambitious undertaking. Yes. As a special education teacher, I want to know how the minds of my students tic so that I can design a curriculum that best suits their way of thinking, processing and communicating information. I have wanted to go back since I graduated in 2008. I almost get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it.

Moving Forward

Today, I have turned over a new leaf. I was absolutely stumped yesterday when writer's block smacked me across the face. I put my current "work in progress" aside and decided to revisit some of my other ideas. I met with success. As I perused a WIP that I put aside two years ago, I was invigorated to revise the plot and write several pages of the prologue. It was refreshing. I cannot explain the elation I felt when I reviewed the number of pages written.

Do not think that I came up with this on my own. I must thank my good friends, The Watery Tart- Hart Johnson, Rayna M. Iyer and also author Elizabeth Spann Craig. Reading their blogs has been that jump start, and kick in the rear end, that I have sorely needed. Thank you ladies.

Writer's Block Drabble

No two words are more evil to a writer than "writer's block." I had thought that I was over that hump, since for the past month or so, my writing has progressed slowly. I believed that my writing would jump start once I purged my feelings onto this blog. Unfortunately, I am still staring at the computer screen, drawing a blank. It is so frustrating. I look at the outline that I have written and try to drag myself back on track. It is no use. The source of this writer's block eludes me.

However, I will not give up.

Drabble: a short story/literary work written in exactly 100 words.

Image courtesy of www.torito.nl/illus/visual/index.html

Outlines and Time . . .

After a long day of coordinating an off-site school program, covering classes for absent teachers, performing lunch duty and completing all the administrative paperwork that goes with such school site; I sat down at the computer to create an outline of my book. I figured a chronological timeline of events would work best.

However, there was a dilemma. I was physically, emotionally and mentally tired. Dinner had to be made, husband needed attention, kids wanted to spend time with me, friendly phone calls needed to be returned and even the cat was whined at me. I was so exhausted that I meant to take a thirty minute nap and ended up sleeping for two hours, leaving my husband in charge of the household.

I often wonder how do you make time for your writing? Where in the day can you fit a good block of time to spend on your writing without having to sacrifice family and friends? Although summer school ends in approximately two days, the fall semester will begin on September 8th. I will have to learn to manage my

time and incorporate writing, for a decent block of time, into my already hectic schedule. It sounds so easy and yet it is one of the biggest obstacles that I have to hurdle every day. If anyone has suggestions, please feel free to help me out.

Death and Stunted Writing

Lately, I have felt like my writing has been a long lost friend. Except for the occassional drabbles, I had stopped writing approximately two years ago. The death of my brother was an obstacle that I just couldn't seem to get hurdle over. I am not sure if the cause of writer's block was a combination of guilt or merely that I did not have time to grieve and heal. Family, teaching and school had consumed all my time and energy. The loss of my brother was put on the backburner until there was time to go through the process of grief.

However, lately I feel a renewed sense of urgency to write. I was on the bus this morning thinking of all my old friends from high school, college and those I have acquired throughout my many jobs. My writing fell right into that category. Right around 23rd Street and 5th Avenue, I began to reminisce how often I would write and how I truly missed it. Writing has become my new best friend. So no more procrastination and contemplation. . .

Book Review: Thirteenth Tale by Diana Setterfield (Contains Spoilers)

This is a book selected by my Book Club: The Thirteenth Tale by Diana Setterfield.

Here is my book review:

I found this novel to be quite enjoyable. It is a great mystery novel. I especially enjoy the "who is who?" as far as the twin's identity, Adeline and Emmeline. It was fun trying to find out whether Vida Winters was Emmeline or Adeline Angelfield. I found Vida Winters, the main character, to be a wonderfully mean and ornery old woman. She was plagued with disease, old age and sorrow; but as evident in her vibrant green eyes, she was full of life. I liked her character the most.

Second place goes to Hester. She was a scientific genius who unfortunately was way ahead of her time. She was governess, mistress of the house, care-taker, psychologist and so much more. She provided the discipline the twins needed that was sorely missing in their chaotic, care-free lives. Together with the town's Doctor, Hester produced an experiment determining the effects of separation between twins. This experiment did not go well. I knew that a loving relationship between Hester and the Doctor was blossoming way before they did. It was obvious that two people with so much in common would come together in matrimony. Too bad that they had to wait for the Doctor's wife to pass away. I suppose divorce was taboo during this time and not an option for the Doctor.

I absolutely abhorred Isabelle, the twins mother, and Charles, the twins uncle. Their relationship was truly disturbing and detrimental to all those around them. Just like the association and companionship between the Doctor and Hester, the amorous relationship of these siblings, Isabelle and Charles, was apparent in the harmful interactions between the two. They led violent, psychotic lives. It was expected that their end would be just as brutal.

I enjoyed the ever present themes of death, loss, family, sisterhood and love. The use of the "wolf" as the metaphorical representation of death was a very clever. Vida made a deal with the wolf, her disease that was slowly eating her body and soul. The agreement was that the wolf would let her tell the twin's story and at its end, the wolf could claim and consume Vida. It was brilliantly written.

Similarly, the agreement between Vida and Margaret was interesting. I am one of those individuals who interrupts and asks questions instead of just listening to the entire story first. It was interesting how Vida was adamant about telling the story from beginning to middle to end, in that order.

I almost forgot Aurelius. I loved him and found him to be absolutely delightful. He was one of the second biggest mystery and secret of all, compared to Vida. I was constantly trying to figure out what was his role in the story. How does his piece of the puzzle fit into the entire scheme of the story? It was a wonderful subplot and woven very well into the entire novel.

The twist at the end was truly unexpected. I thought that Vida was Adeline. Then I thought, well maybe she is Emmeline. The result was a big surprise. I will not post it as it is a spoiler and am not sure if all have finished the book.

The only portion of the book that I did not find enjoyable was the trials and tribulations of Margaret's character. I found her to be very weak. I just didn't really feel her pain compared to the agony that Vida had endured during her lifetime. Margaret's loss seemed to pale in comparison. I think that maybe since I am not a twin, I cannot empathize with the loss of a twin sibling. Or perhaps it is really that I cannot understand how you can feel the loss of your sibling if you never knew that individual. Margaret's twin died at birth and she never grew up with her. So I cannot understand how she feels this vacuum in her life where her twin should be.

Marriage

When getting together with my girlfriends, I was asked "What makes a successful marriage?" These are my thoughts on that topic.

Marriage is nothing but work. Please do not be fooled. If anyone tells you that marriage is all roses, sunshine and happiness - walk away. Many people wonder what is that magic ingredient that makes a marriage "work." It's not a secret at all. Most people know the answer but prefer to remain in denial. To obtain a successful marriage, one needs an equal portion of love, understanding, compromise and time. The word compromise should not be taboo. It does not mean that you give up your identity. It does not mean to be subservient. It definitely does not mean that you always must put the needs of your spouse first. Compromise means that each party negotiates for the benefit of the whole. Give a little and take a little. It is a precarious balance that requires much attention, time and energy.

Please understand that this is not easy, especially for individuals who are "independent," selfish, little experience with successful marriages or have lived alone so long they do not know how to live with someone else. I see it time and again. Two people with completely different goals in life, marrying one another for the sake of not having to be alone anymore. These are people who are in love with the idea of being in love.

My first marriage was based on a non-existent foundation. We had married too early, too young and too quickly. We were in such a rush that we forgot the most basic principles of marriage: get to know your significant other's wants, needs, financial goals and dreams. We had a very different philosophy on life and a very different ideal of family. A short four and a half years later, our marriage was over and beyond repair.

However, with that lesson learned, my second marriage has been very successful and fulfilling. We have known one another for approximately 12 years. We were dating for 2 years and have been married for the past seven years. It is funny how the lessons from my first marriage became an invaluable resource to draw upon for my second. My husband and I communicate with one another about everything: sex, love, family, dreams, goals, kids, work, etc. It is not very often that you find that one person in the world who completes you.

Bittersweet Symphony

The bells no longer ring.
The halls are empty.
The boards are blank.
No laughter in the cafeteria.

No flitting of pages in notebooks.
No bodies pressed tightly going up and down the staircase.
There are no chairs scraping against the floor.
And no desks decorated with grafitti.

As a teacher, one is happy on the last day.
However, I see it as a bittersweet symphony.

Education

I find myself confused. It is the last day of classes. The final review of material before students take their state exam, the Regents. Why are the halls empty? Why are the classrooms at a quarter capacity? I shake my head and wonder, "Was I like this when I was a teenager in high school? " Of course, as a teenager, I liked school. It was my escape from the chaos and insanity at home.

I asked my colleagues. Some gave the typical cynical answer. "These kids don't care about their future, so why should we?" Some said that the students have working hard all year long and one day of rest won't really make a difference. I believe that we have failed them, if in fact, they "don't care" about their education. Today should be that last push, that one last chance to study/ review for exams.

At times, I truly believe that we as a society do not place enough emphasis on education. I look at other countries where schooling and educators are revered. I then compare it to the NYC high school where I teach. There is no comparison. I often appalled at the lack of respect for education and teachers. But how do we make it better? I am already counselor, mother, friend, teacher and everything else under the sun. What more can a teacher do to ensure that her students take education seriously, especially in this economy.

So here I sit, planning lessons for today and no students to teach.