Grandma
So, I could not think of a better come back than to write about my grandmother. Last night, I dreamed about her. It's funny because she has been gone since August of 2013. It was a rough year for everyone in my family. Grandma was the glue that held everyone together. Now we are scattered like autumn leaves in the wind. Some in my family are grieving openly. While others, like myself have buried the hurt until it manifests in a different, almost virtual form. But I digress . . .
My dream has no beginning and no end. I just remember seeing my grandmother, smiling up at me from her wheelchair, up against a calming, light blue wall. She is radiant and gorgeous. The only flaw is her upper dentures that do not sit quite, causing her smile to be somewhat lopsided. Grandma is in her floral nightgown and her hair is a golden blond. Her presence is palpable and warmth emanates from her very essence. She is holding out her arms to me. I try to hug her but am prevented by an invisible force. The harder I try, the more distant she becomes. And then finally, she fades away, still smiling at me. I want to scream, "No, wait. I love you." But she is gone and all I am left with is a feeling of bittersweet emptiness.
Rest in Peace
Blanca Iris Santana
February 9, 1937- August 28, 2013
It is funny how a single object could bring back such vivid memories. I was driving home from work today and I passed "The Million Dollar Park" which is sort of like an inside joke to my family. The park is actually named Nicholas Lia Memorial Park and is located in Staten Island, NY (one of NYC's boroughs).
My brother, Gilbert Orlando Gadson II, has always been in trouble. At the age of two, he drank my hair dye. Yes, I said hair dye. At the age of five, he stole donuts from his kindergarten teacher. That is another post altogether. At the age of 14, he had been suspended from school so many times, we thought he was going to be home-schooled. Gilbert was the sort of kid that got into trouble but you just couldn't help but love him. He had such a kind heart. If anyone in the family needed him, he was there.
But I digress . . . Gilbert was about 13 or 14 years old when I lived in my aunt's house. I lived in the upstairs rooms (two bedrooms and a bathroom) and my aunt had the downstairs rooms (three bedrooms, bathroom, living room and kitchen). One week, my aunt noticed that she had twenty dollars missing. The following week, my uncle noticed that he had money missing. The third week, I was missing money. We knew that there was a thief in the house but we just didn't know who it could possibly be.
One day, shortly after I was missing money, my cousin tells my aunt that he saw Gilbert with money. My cousin asked Gilbert, "Where did you get the money?" Gilbert replied,"In the park. It was on the sidewalk near the grass." My cousin, being curious, followed Gilbert. He said that Gilbert dug up the soil near the bushes in the park and "found" several twenty dollar bills. My cousin then proceeded in telling my aunt and myself. We confronted Gilbert and with an Academy Award nomination, he cried tears and professed that he did not take our money. He adamantly stated that he found the money. This was our reply, " So what now you're finding money in million dollar parks. Where is this park? I need some money right now." Hence, the park's name.
Now that I reflect on that gut-wrenching scene, I realize that I would rather have my brother here and stealing from me than gone resting in an urn in my sister's home.
I love you, hermanito.
