Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Grandma


Grandma

So, I could not think of a better come back than to write about my grandmother.  Last night, I dreamed about her.  It's funny because she has been gone since August of 2013.  It was a rough year for everyone in my family.  Grandma was the glue that held everyone together.  Now we are scattered like autumn leaves in the wind.  Some in my family are grieving openly.   While others, like myself have buried the hurt until it manifests in a different, almost virtual form.  But I digress . . .

My dream has no beginning and no end.  I just remember seeing my grandmother, smiling up at me from her wheelchair, up against a calming, light blue wall.  She is radiant and gorgeous.  The only flaw is her upper dentures that do not sit quite, causing her smile to be somewhat lopsided.  Grandma is in her floral nightgown and her hair is a golden blond.  Her presence is palpable and warmth emanates from her very essence.  She is holding out her arms to me.  I try to hug her but am prevented by an invisible force.  The harder I try, the more distant she becomes.  And then finally, she fades away, still smiling at me.  I want to scream, "No, wait.  I love you."  But she is gone and all I am left with is a feeling of bittersweet emptiness.  


Rest in Peace

Blanca Iris Santana
February 9, 1937- August 28, 2013

8 comments:

  1. I'm sorry! Take it as a sign of peace - she is happy, but since you are still alive, you can't be with her just yet.

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  2. I don't think memories of loved ones are records only, they're also vital constructs imparted as gifts of love. You'll always have that.

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  3. Those we love and lost are always a part of our lives

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  4. @ Alex- I will. It's just been really weird lately. It may be due to the holidays. Thanks!

    @Geo- Yes, I'm happy that I have such wonderful memories of her. She taught me so much! Thanks!

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  5. Good topic for a return indeed. Welcome back, Chary!

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  6. Thanks Hart! *smooches*

    @ Starting Over- Yes, I agree. She and my mother shaped who I am today. :)

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  7. Always hard to let go of a close loved one. I believe dreams like yours are to give us closure. Remember her smile, her warmth, the happy memories. Let go of the pain and loss. The best gift we can give those who have gone on before us is to live our own lives to thier fullest.

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  8. I think so too! I needed closure. I'm happy that we had that time together. Will do on the live life to the fullest. :) Thanks Barbara.

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